we hold these truths to be self evident

i told her, there is no shame in this. i told her that there were no directions for how to deal with this, no one could ever prepare anyone else for something so awful. i told her that there were certain inaliable truths in the world, and one of them is that you will never have to bury your child. if that truth ever turns out to be a lie, to be some sick coverup of nature to make itself look less menacing, you automatically recieve pennance for any of your actions. you should never have to choose your daughter's headstone. no child should ever have a eulogy written by their parents. there should never be memorials for children because children should never die. we believe this like we believe we will stay glued to the ground, that turtles are slow and snow is cold. anything otherwise is against all nature and reason and leaves us bewildered and lost in a world we once trusted, and now understand nothing about at all. it creates a pain inside that inhabits the very marrow in our bones- we bleed loss. we are asked to believe and we are betrayed.

she said, i hate to be a grown woman crying to a teenager.

i cried back and told her, holding her large hands, no one ever gives directions for this.